a digital home
i think over the past few months and perhaps for years, the internet has increasingly decayed. chatrooms and online spaces, specifically, just do not have the same essence that they once did long ago. this is tough and almost heartbreaking really, because the internet and the online world became my home and my comfort when i never had one in real life. it was the place to come back to and know it would never leave you, the place that never slept.
knowing i was never comfortable in one place and having the idea that we could effectively be homeless at any minute because we never owned a home, be in your mind as a child, even beginning at the age of 5, is something that really distorts your brain in a unique way. i've never been able to 'settle down' anywhere, i had no constant. i guess that might be why i have issues when it comes to clinging to things in my life, either i hold on too tight that it's bad for me, or assume it won't stay at all and conduct my behavior in caution of such a circumstance.
you can never go back, and even if you did, there's no one waiting for you. i hope one day i find a way to feel at home.